To Scream Or Not To Scream ???

To scream or not to scream:

   That is the question. Because I want to scream. Really, really bad.
I want to scream that my youngest daughter has lost her hearing in her right ear but until we see a specialist, we wont know why. I want to scream that I am not ready for my son to graduate from high school in May, but I have to find a way to afford his college. I want to scream that if my oldest daughter comes home with lice ONE MORE TIME, I will SHAVE HER HEAD!!! I want to scream that this was supposed to be a great Christmas, but my husband is a lying bastard and I caught him red handed. I want to scream that my whole body hurts. I feel like I've been hit by a Mack truck but my doctor says "you're fine, it's just stress".

   But I can't scream. My youngest daughter wouldn't hear me (but that may be a good thing). My son would just roll his eyes but would feel like its his fault. My oldest daughter would scream louder and its definitely not her fault.  My husband wouldn't care and if I start screaming at him things will get broken. The doctor is a bitch, and if I ask for a magic pill she'll just say no.

   But I want to scream. That I try so very hard. That it's not fair. That my children should be happy and healthy. That my marriage should be loving. That I deserve a break from this calamity.

   But I can't scream...so I hold it all in and smile and pretend everything is fine. And I pray. I pray harder than I have ever prayed in my life that I can get through just one...more...day...